For those who have been following this website since the beginning (when I was still running this blog with a bipolar niche), you may have read whatever I told you before. But believe me, that’s not all. So, please keep reading. 🙂
I just found out that I was bipolar about a year ago. After my soul mate asked my psychiatrist what kind of illness I actually suffered.
My anxiety disorder makes it difficult for me to talk to anyone, including my psychiatrist. That is the wrong move. I tend to close myself, in fact, I rarely get out of my room, unless I have to go to the toilet.
Sometimes my brother would say hello when paid me a visit, “hi, what’s up? Why the long face?”
My back pain (Herniated nucleus pulposus = HNP) and anxiety made me prefer not to leave the house. I was even too lazy to bathe or shave. My only friends were my dad, my youngest child because his elder sister had become a teenager. As a teenager, the elder one tends to start demanding privacy. Thank’s for them, 9GAG and Facebook that really helped me through my darkest hours. Oh, and to MG, my dead friend who always been there when I need a good random chat on WhatsApp.
In despair, I decided to take a frantic step, which is to undergo a spinal surgery with paralysis risk. I was lucky not to be paralyzed but unfortunately, my back pain is still there as well. And again my youngest son was the one who was always there to ease my pain.
That made me feel skeptical about medical treatment.
At first, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, probably because I initially went to a small hospital behind the house. You know, it was hard for me to walk less than a quarter mile because I was too nervous. My anxiety made my palms wet. Imagine this, I had to go to the hospital because I suddenly felt paranoid or (I don’t know the word), but I got scared to go out. Duh…
Although I thank the doctors there, it turned out they wrongly gave me medicine. My chest beat faster than before, and my view became blurred. A good friend of mine picked me up and took me to my psychiatrist.
I’ll write more in the next part because I don’t want to skip my meds.
Stay tuned by following this blog. 🙂